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Satire 021: A Letter to the President

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syncityng.com-president muhammadu Buhari


Yes! Oh President Muhammadu Buhari, the masses said I should tell you that you are one in a million. They said you should go to London and USA as much as you like. Go there, sleep in the hospital as long as you want and so they are ready to be obedient to your orders; they will reach out to you whenever you need them. Some of them are ready to kill themselves on the road for you for the sake of this country. Your Excellency, this is what life has taught us: to be men of goodwill ready to defend our country home, ready to go the extra mile to save our father’s land. His Excellency, we are so much happy to be here.

Our people over here are asking of our precious son, Kalu, that man from Umuahia, the one that turned a rebellion against your wonderful government. What should I tell them dearest President Muhammadu Buhari? Should I tell them that he is in Aso Rock eating Nkwobi and Pepper soup? Should I tell them that you have made him king in the north? I think his people want him not because he is rhestorically scaring them away from being Nigerians. His Excellecy, what should I tell them now that every eyes is looking at the aquatic life centred in the rock.

My good man, Mr President, my pen also needs brown envelopes to keep calm. My pen needs to drink some red wine and this corruption you want to stop will also affect it. They said I should tell you how wonderful that python dance was in their land. How “ruler-sheep” that forced you to send pythons to dance in their compound when they misbehaved; the dance has made things easier and we no longer hear many voices nor see many white shadows in the despair ground and walls of the igbos. The Ohaneze and The IPOB are now good morning friends. They no longer betray each other in this game of politics. His Excellency is working very hard and every mouth is testifying to this. Every footprints are now printed in golden corral committed in the street of heaven. Your Excellency, we saw that the ChibokGirls returned yesterday and the whole street of Nigerian went into commotions of joy. Yes, they need to rejoice because of their future wives and ¬≠daughters have returned, and they are grateful to you President Muhammadu Buhari.

We have seceded to keep our mothers and wives in the other room as you instructed your wife. Your Excellency sir, the masses said I should tell you to send their regards to Her Excellency. The CHANGE you brought to us is so strong that we all have no dirty clothes again. Through this medium we will pocket our tears back home to be seen by all that think of goodness. President Muhammadu Buhari, thank you for the youth empowerment you brought. Thank you so much for reviving our economy. Yes! Our economy has become so strong that cattle and all other animals become millionaires in our land; our people say that if only you could be kind to rule us for another four years then all the animals in the forest could compete with Dangote and Adenuga as the richest man in Africa.

Your Excellency! Your Excellency!! Your Excellency sir, all the companies you built are chasing us out to foreign lands. The factories are too much that we all think of going to foreign land so that we could see a land that is not flowing with milk and honey. we are now competing with all these westerners with their companies. We will be telling or children years to come how you restructured this country to a paradise on earth. It is not funny how many citizens have killed themselves because they were excited. Some masses have ran mad out of joy. Gracious President Muhammadu Buhari, we are much grateful because we have someone like you as the President.

Let me hurry over there to ask the market women about the precious ten thousand Naira I heard the federal government is sharing among them. I want to see how happy they are. I saw them crowded in the market yesterday without even thinking about suffocating. They forgot about heat and pickpocketers in their midst. Oh! what a great country we have, The giant of Africa indeed.

©John Chizoba Vincent

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