Disrupting Trust and Expectation
Life is an oasis of disappointment, and perhaps the best way to endure it is to live without expectations. And yes, there’s no bigger form of expectation than trust because you’re basically expected to uphold the confidence and conviction of an external party without recourse to your consent or choice. Basically, it’s an imposed pedestal you have no control over.
On a personal level, I try not to be expectant of anything or anyone, no matter how difficult it is sometimes, because I appreciate when people aren’t trying to make me fit with their unrealistic expectations of me. I don’t like letting people down, but it’s hard not to when they believe in you more than you even believe in yourself.
It’s not that I doubt if anyone should be considered trustworthy, but I just feel like is it really important to trust someone just because they are worthy of your good will? Disappointment doesn’t know context or peculiarity, so everyone is essentially susceptible to being a victim and a cause of disappointing deeds and events.
You look at sexual crime for example, and often the perpetrator is someone the victim trusted. There’s a Yoruba saying (I think there’s an Igbo equivalent too) that implies the person you know is the person that will murder you. And there’s an element of truth to this, because only those we trust stab us in the back. We forget that without trust, they would be no feeling of betrayal as you can’t be betrayed by someone you never trusted.
You can’t also afford to trust what you hear on the news anymore, as it’s filled with propaganda and sensationalism. You can’t trust your sporting heroes as well, because you don’t know if he or she is on performance enhancing drugs. You will realize what hurts when people disappoint you isn’t the facts of the act, but rather this self-deprecating feeling of being played for a fool.
Take relationships too: trust breaks down relationship more than any other thing, because one partner expects the other to be worthy of trust on the basis of love. Love doesn’t mean anything anymore, perhaps it never has, as you can do so much ill even with the presence of love. So to trust someone solely on the basis that you are in an intimate or emotional relationship with them is similar to loving someone on the basis that you know their name.
I’m not trying to disregard or denigrate values such as honesty, loyalty, faithfulness, and commitment; these values are ideal but because of how circumstance ensures humans won’t always adhere to them, it’s critical that you safeguard your mental and emotional equilibrium by not having the belief that people would always act as you expect them to or treat you the way you treat them.
Doubt shouldn’t always imply insecurity or cynicism; doubt could also mean the capacity to be discerning and cautiously discretional. Like fear, doubt is a concept that will are always too quick to portray in negatives. Ultimately, whatever is hard to get but easy to lose isn’t what you should spend time harbouring ― and trust on almost every level is a commodity that’s very hard to gain but so easy to lose.