Understanding Love and Relationship
This column has been away for some time now, and I would like to appreciate everyone that has reached out to know why. I was trying to put out a book, and since that’s done, I hope to be more consistent from now on. I’ve missed being a synner in this city, and I must say it feels good to be back home.
This welcome back musing is on one of my favourite topics — love — and the different perspectives many have of it especially as it concerns being in a relationship.
It’s important for me to clarify before we go any further that I don’t believe in love at first sight. There’s really no such thing, as you can’t love someone you don’t know. You can be attracted to their appearance, intelligence, or personality at first meeting, but it’s impossible to love them without already having an idea of how they are beyond the superficiality of impression, or the facade of reputation.
I also think that many people make the mistake of misrepresenting infatuation as love. This is very common, especially among young people, were a crush (which is more like a sentimental feeling of admiration) is treated as a deeply affectionate emotion on which a serious relationship can be built upon. This type of love plays out frequently on social media, and I’ve been at both ends of it.
It’s not usually a surprise to me when a lot of these kind of relationships fail, because they aren’t truly built on love, but on an illusion that the parties involve believe was love.
Illusions, by their very nature are deceptive, and to think you can be emotionally gratified through deception, is no different to someone having sex in the hope of keeping their virginity.
But I do disagree with the idea some people have that you need to be married to someone before loving them. That for me is being unnecessarily rigid, as I don’t regard marriage as the highest testament for love, because many have even fallen out of love after being married.
In light of this, I genuinely believe you can love someone without being married to them. The possibility of this has been proven several times, and there’s really no basis for it to be dismissed as just another unfounded opinion from a bachelor who has never been in a marriage.
I also think when someone is in love, we shouldn’t question the integrity of what they feel exclusively in comparative correspondence with what the person they love feel. If I love you and you don’t love me, it shouldn’t raise doubts about if what I feel (or felt) towards you was really love. Two people don’t have to love equally for one person to accept what he or she felt was love.
Ultimately, love is something that we’ll never completely understand, regardless of how much we read or write about it. So what matters is finding someone you can trust, someone that you understand, and that makes you a better person through the way they treat you and need you.
I believe I know what it means to be in love with someone, and even though it didn’t end with both of us getting married, it very much taught me that while a friend is a gift you give to yourself, a lover is a gift you give yourself to instead.