I will not pray for France.
(I wrote this piece 2 years ago in the wake of the killings at France. We had a similar bombing in Yobe, Nigeria and some Nigerians were outraged that the media and Facebook placed “more” emphasis on the French killings than those of Yobe. I found the whole comparison sickening. Grief is not a competition and not something to be measured. I hope you pick a thing or two from this piece. Do not read if you do not have a sense of humor!)
The God I serve is a Nigerian one. His reach does not exceed the borders of Nigeria. In fact, He stays only on Lagos Island. He is Linda Ikeji’s neighbor so why stress him with another country’s problems?
I will not pray for France. They were the ones that sold us into slavery. Don’t you know that Beyonce could have been my sister if my great-grand mother was not a victim of the slave trade? Adele would have been my mother, nah. Wicked French! Putin should have been fighting for us instead of France. Oh…Putin is from Russia? He is white, too? Ah…e pele, ma!
I will not drape the colors of France. My best colors are green and white! Oh…I like red lipstick and blue jeans? Ehen? Es et ya jeans?
I will not change my profile picture to that of the flag of France. No, Oga Zucker must make our flag too. One for Chibok, one for Nyanya and one for Biafra. Oh…those are not countries? OK. Let him wait till the next bomb blast. One should be ready soon.
I am patriotic. I must always pray for Nigeria. Any other tragedy is not my consign. My god is a god of Banana Island. After all, the French did not support us during our own…they did? Isalie jooh. Buhari photo shopped it. It is support I support. I cannot come and finish my prayer on top foreign matter. I have been praying ten thousand times a day. In fact, Vic O, T.B Joshua and I are about to release a CD titled ” End-time blues:Pray and Win”.
Concerning Yola, I have called Oga Zucky. When he prints the flag, I will pray for Nigeria because I am not a hypocrite but for now, since our Presidential grandpa has not told me to pray, I will not pray for Nigeria too.