When I tell people I’m a virgin,
their eyes pop and they say, ‘No
wonder he’s always arguing with feminists’. This is utter nonsense
because I don’t see how my asexual life influences my ideological
convictions about gender rights. Sex is an activity, but principles
are not; so to think a man can hate women just on the basis that he’s
not having sex with them is almost as equal to saying the root cause
of homosexuality is hate for the opposite sex.
The society celebrates virginity in females too much, and more or less
denigrates the exact same state in males. A woman who is a virgin is
as likely to be regarded chaste and moral, as a man who is a virgin is
as likely to be regarded weird, weak, or unmanly. This is precisely
why you will find sections of the society referring to homosexual
males as effeminate, because it believes a man only prove his
masculinity when he’s having sex with women.
But the society misses the point. The society misses the point because
while masculinity is inherently about who you are (the state of being
male), virginity is essentially about what you are (the state of being
a virgin). The “who” supersedes the “what” here, on the basis that the
“who” determines the state of the “what”. Basically, without the
“who”, there’s no “what”. This is why being a man goes beyond what’s
between your legs — or for the matter what you’re doing with what’s
between your legs.
Now does being a virgin make any male effeminate? I’ll use myself as a
case study here. A lot of my friends say I’m emotional, but they
recognize the fact that I still think like a man. Moreover, when does
a man being human translate to him not being manly? Humans are
inherently emotional creatures that sometimes think, not thinking
creatures that sometimes feel. So to also assume a man being emotional
suggest he’s effeminate, is to say being rational makes a woman manly.
Thus, my being emotional has more to do with my humanity than my
sexuality as well.
The fact of the matter is, I’m neither proud nor ashamed to call
myself a virgin, because for me it’s really not much of a big deal. I
know a lot of females take pride in being virgins, and I know a lot of
males who wouldn’t publicly admit they’re virgins too as a result of
societal stigma; yet those two differing feelings aren’t natural in
themselves, nor either logical, rather they are psychological
constructs imposed by the society.
It’s amazing how the society generally expects unmarried females to be
virgins, and thinks it’s unmanly for unmarried males to also be same,
because you wonder how those unmarried virgin males are to acquire the
‘sexual experience’ the same society believe they need before
marriage, if every unmarried women is made to feel like she needs to
protect and preserve her virginity until marriage.
Are those unmarried males to go having sex with other males? No, they
can’t do that because in most parts of the world that’s illegal.
Are they to go having sex with prostitutes? No, they can’t also do
that because in most parts of the world that happens to be immoral.
Are they to go having sex with animals? Most people don’t even want to
hear that because in every part of the world that’s both illegal and
So how then does a man gain the nonsensical ‘sexual experience’ the
society thinks he needs before marriage if not by him having sex with
the same unmarried women the same society wants to keep virgins? Ah!
It’s just occurred to me that doing this is in itself a sin in most
parts of the world. Religion helps the society call it fornication.
You’re probably laughing right now at my sarcasm, but this is really
not a joke, and neither am I trying to sound funny. This is the
reality of a virgin male in the 21st century society; a society too
sexual to be social, and too stereotypical to be sensible. I believe
this is wrong and harmful, and that this societal idea of judging
people by their sexual life really needs to stop.
My last word goes to every male virgin reading this: brother, you
don’t have to lose your virginity to prove to any person or group of
persons that you are a man, because masculinity is a gender-centric
mentality that comes with being male, and not something you attain
through losing your virginity. Ultimately, virginity — or the lack of
it — isn’t what anyone should be proud or ashamed of, as it doesn’t
determine the kind of person they are.
Do you have questions for me? Drop it the comments section and let’s talk.