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Epistle To The Boys: Domestic Violence by John Vincent Chizoba

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Epistle To The Boys: Domestic Violence


One of those things I promised myself that I will teach my boys when I have them is how to keep away from domestic violence. I will teach them that women are not punching bags. I will teach them how to build their own home, play the fatherly role, the husband role and also teach them how to strike a balance between them and their wives and children not patterning their moral into the illusion of the so called African myth of man being the head of the family and thereby, having the right or the emunity over women. I will teach them the right culture, our African culture. I will teach them how to respect women and their dignity not excluding their pride. For in the pride of a woman is the woman herself.


Domestic violence and abuse do not discriminate. It does not look at faces or something else. Abuse happens among heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships. It occurs within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and economic levels not minding the language differences or tribes. And while women are more commonly victimized, men are also abused, boys—especially verbally and emotionally by women who they are in a relationship with. The bottom line is that abusive behavior is never acceptable by the society or the world in general, whether it’s coming from a man, a woman, a teenager, or an older adult. You deserve to feel valued, respected, joyful and safe in the hand of a person you so much love. Boys, be vigilate and careful with whom you chose to marry or plan to spend the rest of your life with. Don’t marry out of pity or trying to please someone who you think you have plagiarized her emotions.


Let’s pretend like nothing is happening in this side of the world. Let’s close our eyes to this madness and tell our souls that love does not exist anymore. What we obtain from this side of the world is against every human aspect when it comes to marriage. What is love to you? What is marriage to you? Sometimes these things are what you suppose to ask yourself before you tell a girl how much you love her or before you put that ring in her finger. These days the major news have been a husband beating his wife or a wife beating her husband and the story goes on and on until your ears begin to ache you the listener or reader. We have husbands who killed their wives because of one argument or the other and wives, who killed their husband on issues that they could settle amicably without killing one another. This story pans from one angle to the other, boys. And anchoring from the twisted heart of our world, the turn of events become breathless and blurring in the street of the mind.


Sometimes I get lost listening or trying to prove my self wrong that this kind of thing happens in our own world. I understand the fact that marriage is not easy and it takes patience to carry on and those who venture into this so called marriage of a thing comes from different background of which they were trained differently, to tell yourself that this will work out or it won’t work out is in your hands. You only know the colour of the background you want to paint in your relationship. It takes time to understand yourself and to know where you stand in the life of your partner. So, as a boy, try to balance things and keep away from domestic violence. It is better you let go of her or him than killing her. It is better you walk out of the relationship or marriage instead of killing her, just walk away from it. It will do you no harm. Marriage is not a do or die affair. No love should keep you in a woman’s house who abuse you intentionally.


When people think of domestic abuse, they often focus on domestic violence. But domestic abuse occurs whenever one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person, yes, that controlling spirit bring about this. Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you, your emotions, feelings, freedom and power.An abuser doesn’t “play fair” or “Safe”.Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, anger, pains, and intimidation to put you down and keep you under their thumb so that they can control every thing about you like a television set. Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you if care is not taken. So, be careful when making those promises of “I Love You”.


Dear boys, keep away from violence against women and against yourself. If any woman gets you angry, Walk away to some where reasonable. Some where you get you self out from the twisted heart ache. I think it will do you good not to fall a victim of those things that will harm you later in life. Women are braver in talking and their familiar words may stand to provoke your day and your life can be miserable listening to them. Boys, your ability to interpose your very act of eloquence as well as witty, weird truth anyway makes you who you are. We just have to accept it as a natural phenomena that’s why we’re called “The Men”. Once we accept this dilemma and be ready to face it, it makes us more dependable and valorous in the eyes of the world.


Boys, I will continue to write to you in epitles to ease out these independent pains that clothes around body till the end comes when we’ll meet in paradise after life troubles are over.

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