5 Ways to Fart in Public Without Attracting Attention to Yourself
Today we will be treating a very SERIOUS topic! My topic today stems from my displeasure at several practices in the public domain. E.g messing a.k.a farting. While I agree that farting is a natural and necessary daily occurrence, it should not be done at the discomfort and detriment of the other.
All these people that fart in public buses, what is your plan? I ga aburu ogbenye buru amusu? Will you be poor and still be a witch? Hian! Biko kwa! When we were much younger, farting out loud was all fun and games. Now that we are older, farting out loud is what we can no longer get away with. Old age has to come with shedding childish behavior, abi?
However, let me help your ministry today. Despite the fact that farting out loud is a total NO-NO, here are 5 ways you can fart in public and get away with it!
Minimize the sound
Nna men…ka m gwa gi something! Minimizing the sound of your fart will save you a lot of embarrassment. Farts are always premeditated so you have enough warning before it makes its grand entrance. Release the fart S.L.O.W.L.Y! This will minimize the noise and make you appear innocent when the smell permeates the air. How do you minimize the sound? Do this by squeezing your abdominal muscles and taking long inhales and exhales as you release the fart!
Make a loud noise as you release the gas
Now may be a good time to recite the national anthem. If your name is T-Boss or you belong to Boss Nation, you might want to flash your boobs as reciting the national anthem may turn out to be a disaster.
Sing aloud or hum or sneeze or break out into a chorus to divert attention from the atomic bomb about to be slowly released! Do this diplomatically lest you still attract attention to yourself. Try not to laugh or look guilty…
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