The Male Sexual Response
How’s your week going? Glad to always have you here in my favourite column. Hope you’ve been following my series?
Today I’ll talk about The Male Sexual Response. How Long Does It Take To Cum?
If you’re not up to 18 years, or you are, but you’re not comfortable with discussions bordering on sex, read no further! Go and find a Bible, or Koran, and read.
How long does it take for a man to cum? Wrong question. How long SHOULD it take a man to cum; how long SHOULD he last in bed?
A question on everyone’s lips: males and females alike. That’s understandable though, for obvious reasons.
Unfortunately, few people have an answer, and even fewer people have the accurate answer.
With pornography as the only reference point for most of us, we build our sexual fantasies based on it. We build our fantasies based on macho-looking professionals who apparently go 30 minutes without ejaculation, and still maintain a turgid hard-on, forgetting that these men take performance enhancers [both to sustain erection, and to boost physical strength], and may also use lubes that desensitize the penis to delay ejaculation.
Fantasies turns into myths, myths into legends, and slowly legends becomes expected realities. Scientific facts are thrown out of the window, and people are shamed for “helplessly” conforming to the dictates of the NORMAL body physiology.
The young man walks around depressed, thinking he is not “man enough,” with every of his thought punctuated by “premature ejaculation.”
The female driven by her own “selfishness” to satisfy perhaps unfounded fantasies, out of frustration, resorts to shaming: throwing around carelessly, expressions like “two minute man,” and “Indomie man.”
THE FACTS AS THEY ARE
The male sexual response goes through four phases, namely: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. In that order.
Sexual arousal in males begins with the presence of an appropriate stimulus, which could be visual [example seeing “provocative” parts of a female’s body, like the cleavage, ass, hips, etc], auditory [example hearing moans or suggestive “dirty talks”], olfactory [certain smells that one finds erotic could trigger an arousal], tactile[ direct stimulation of the penis with hands, ass, or any other body part], psychic [ certain erotic imaginations], or a combination of any of these, or all.
This initiates the phase of excitement, in which certain physical and emotional changes occurs: what is referred to colloquially as being “turned on.” The most remarkable occurrence in the excitement phase is the rushing in of blood into the corpora carvenosa of the penis, under pressure, converting it from its resting state of flaccidity to a an erect, turgid state.
Without further stimulation, preferably by a direct tactile stimulus, one can stay in the phase of excitement for varying period of time, depending on the intensity or sustenance of the initiating stimulus, and then experience detumescence [loss of erection], and resolution, without passing through the phases of plateau and orgasm.
With further stimulation, the penis gets harder, and also the other bodily changes accompanying arousal intensifies, and the person progresses to the plateau phase.
This “further [or continuous] stimulation” can come in the form of masturbation, a hand job, a blow job [oral stimulation], or repeated thrusting during a penetrative sexual intercourse [anal or vaginal].
As this vigorous stimulation continues, a peak is reached at which the degree of sensual pleasure rises above a certain threshold, and orgasm– characterized by ejaculation, rhythmic contraction of perineal muscles, and an intense feeling of excitement –occurs.
Now, the question is, ALL THINGS BEING EQUAL, how long does it take for orgasm to occur? How much “continuous stimulation” can the penis stand before that threshold is reached? How long can the penis, and one’s body physiology hold off, before that “point of no return” when orgasm is INEVITABLE? And after orgasm — ejaculation; what happens next?
Using the conventional peno-vaginal sex as a model, studies shows that the “intra-vaginal ejaculatory latency time” — the time it takes for an average penis to ejaculate from the time of penetration, if thrusting were to be continued UNINTERRUPTED, is 4 to 7 minutes! That is the overall average. However, while some studies have it as low as 3 to 5 minutes, others say it can take up to 4 to 10 minutes.
These are scientific facts!
After ejaculation, what happens next? The phase of resolution commences immediately. In this phase, the body tends to return gradually to its normal, pre-excitement, state including detumescence and return of the penis to its flaccid state.
Also, the phase of resolution is characterized by a REFRACTORY PERIOD, during which achieving a new erection is IMPOSSIBLE despite the method, and intensity of stimulation. This period lasts few minutes in some, up to 15 to 30 minutes in others, and rarely [usually in the elderly] more than an hour.
However, there are a few percentage of men who have little or no refractory period. And mind you, these things are dependent on one’s body physiology, and not one’s choice, neither is it dependent on one’s physical appearance.
Quick question: considering the normal range for the “intra-vaginal latency time,” and the refractory period, physiologically speaking, and ALL THINGS BEING EQUAL, how long do you think an average man can, or should, last?
This is defined as climaxing, or ejaculating, way before sexual satisfaction is achieved. Simply put, it is ejaculating before it is desirable to do so, that is ejaculating “too soon” or “too early.”
By convention, which is of course based on extensive scientific studies, this is said to happen when one ejaculates within 2 minutes of penetration. [Note that some school of thoughts extends this to 4 minutes, however the generally accepted convention by the medical community still remains 2 minutes]
What this means then is that if you ejaculate after 2 to 4 minutes of penetration, NOTHING is wrong with you. I repeat NOTHING! And do not let anyone make you believe otherwise, as you’re simply performing within the provisions of the NORMAL BODY PHYSIOLOGY!
It is important to note that Premature Ejaculation [PE] is totally different from Erectile Dysfunction [ED], colloquially known as “impotence.”
While the person with PE has no problem with achieving and sustaining an erection, someone with ED either cannot achieve and sustain erection, or finds it extremely difficult to do so.
[The differences between the two are further pointed out in the picture below]
Some of the CAUSES of PE include the following:
psychological issues like guilt, anxiety, sex with a new partner; behavioural problems like habitually hurrying masturbation– to avoid being caught [note that this excludes masturbation done “leisurely”]; medical problems [especially in the elderly] like diabetes and hypertension; etc.
There are also other causes like over excitement, inexperience [especially in the young], hypersensitivity of the penis, abstaining for a long time [ that is longer periods between two sexual encounters], relationship problems, etc.
MEETING UP WITH THE “DEMAND.”
Now that you have known that ejaculating within three minutes of penetration, and above, is ABSOLUTELY NORMAL, and is nothing to be ashamed of [ not that true PE, that is that in which ejaculation happens within 2 minutes of penetration, should be anything to be ashamed of shaa ], quit celebrating because I’m about to burst your bubble.
Granted, it is physiologically okay to ejaculate as from 3 minutes upwards. But brother, na physiology she go chop? So quit being selfish and think about your partner, think about how to make her climax too, as that your 3-minutes “normal physiology” may not be enough.
This is what I call “meeting up with the demand.” This is the same reason a radical school of thought defines PE , not from the physiological perspective, but from the psychosocial perspective, as “inability to delay ejaculation until both partners are satisfied.” According to this school of thought, if you like ejaculate after one hour, if you and your partner are not satisfied, it is still PE. Likewise, even if you ejaculate just after 1 minute, if you are both satisfied , it is not PE by definition. [Note that sexual satisfaction isn’t exactly the same thing as orgasm]
Bearing this in mind then, even though one’s ejaculation time is physiologically within normal limits, one needs to practice on how to hold off as long as possible, until the partner is satisfied.
SOLUTIONS TO “PE”: TIPS ON DELAYING EJACULATION
There are several scientifically proven methods. However, what would be most effective for a particular individual depends on the CAUSE.
If HYPERSENSITIVITY is the problem, the following may help:
– use of condoms
– desensitizing the penis with anesthetic creams like EMLA, and Lidocaine.
if ANXIETY is the problem;
– anxiolytics like Priligy [Dapoxetin] may help.
if the problem is PSYCHOLOGICAL;
– counselling may help
if PROLONGED ABSTINENCE!
– masturbation before sex
– more frequent sex, may help.
GENERALLY, the following helps:
– the “squeeze” technique
In this, one masturbates, and when at the point of imminent ejaculation, he stops and squeezes the penis shut at the tip, this stops ejaculation momentarily. Then he starts masturbating again and repeats the same thing for like six more times. This helps train one in withholding ejaculation.
-the “start-stop” technique.
In this, the male withdraws when he’s about to cum, and re-penetrates when the urgency to ejaculate passes.
This method could be spiced up. Instead of just sitting around, waiting, you could use your hands and/or your tongue while you are waiting, and penetrate again later.
THE ROLE OF THE FEMALE PARTNER
The female partner has a huge role to play. She needs to be supportive as “shaming,” or putting undue pressure on the male partner does more harm than good. It escalates anxiety, and diminishes one’s self esteem. This only triggers a vicious cycle that perpetuates the problem
She also need to understand that the male may be PHYSIOLOGICALLY normal, and thus performing within the limits of NORMAL body physiology; that she’s actually “pushing him beyond his limits,” which is perfectly okay though. But she needs to understand this.
Communication also helps a lot too.
Finally, she can assume the dominant, woman-on-top, position. This helps a lot as she gets to control the rhythm, frequency, depth of penetration, and ultimately when he cums.
Beware of “shaming,” using insensitive expressions like “not man enough,” “Indomie man,” “one minute man,” etc; as sexual dysfunctions are just like any other disease.
This is applicable too to sexual dysfunctions in females.
Studies shows that sexual dysfunctions are major causes of depression and suicide.
Don’t push sufferers over the edge.
1. This article was written from a purely scientific standpoint of view. And as such, it should not be read with a religio-moralistic bias. If your Faith, for example, frowns on masturbation, then jump the lines were it was mentioned, and pass.
2. Notice the repeated use of “all things being equal?” This serves to emphasize two things;
– that findings holds true within the limits of normal body physiology, without the influence of external factors like performance enhancers, desensitizers, and even learned behaviors like the “start-and-stop” technique.
– that there are exceptions to the norm.