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Gidi Tattles #18 : Facebook Update: Clash of the Victors!

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Gidi Tattles #18 : Facebook Update: Clash of the Victors!

In today’s Facebook news, this is what went down:

Genev Ez vs. Selah dude…

#FightIsSacred

Mr Selah wrote:

“Be the Man, not the Mannequin.

Most men in relationships are ‘mugus’. Because of a pretty face, firm boobs and heavy backside, most men become romantic ‘slaves’ to the women they claim to love. They are best likened to a mannequin which stays where one puts it. Never challenges. Never questions. Never disagrees. Yes, a mannequin only for show. Not a Man.

Let me shed more light on my cause here.

The following statement may seem unromantic and controversial to this generation;

If you beg a woman to marry you, you may have to beg her to stay. She really did not ‘marry’ you. She merely acceded to your plea!

In other words, if you marry her on your knees you will barely stand up to her later in marriage.

The Truth:

Women hate weaklings. Women are not always particularly honest with their feelings, but they really HATE weaklings. The moment you create an impression in a lady’s mind that you can be her fool…her mannequin, she starts thinking you are really a fool. Sometimes women can’t tell the difference between Reality and Impression. It is that serious.

So, if you really want to know the depth of a woman’s love for you; call her bluff once in a while, look into her eyeballs and tell the inconvenient truth, ignore her sometimes (yes, I said it). Very soon, in a moment of sober reflection, she would see her errors and feel your cause. Even if you don’t end up marrying her, she would appreciate your strength and convictions AS A MAN!

This is better than kowtowing to her every Whim and Caprice like she is some infallible being from the throne of God.

Be the Man. Not the Mannequin.

#truthissacred.

Selah.

**

Genev Ez replied with

“Be the Woman, not the Maid!

Most women in relationships are mumus. Because of a fat bank account and a good fuckin c0ck, most women become romantic slaves to the men they claim to love. They are best likened to a maid which stays where one puts her. She never challenges her master. Never questions. Never disagrees. Yes, a maid is only for service. A sub-human.

Let me shed more light on my cause here.

The following statement may seem unromantic and controversial to this generation;

If you beg a man to marry you, you may have to beg him to stay. He really did not marry you. He merely acceded to your plea!

In other words, if you marry him on your knees, you’ll barely stand up to him later in marriage.

Truth is,

Men like submissive women. Men aren’t always particularly honest with their feelings, but they really like submissive women. The moment you create an impression in a man’s mind that superiority is not tied to his penis and can’t be his subject…he starts thinking you are really unvirtuous. Sometimes, men can be daft, they can’t tell the difference between reality and impression…yes, it’s that serious.

So, if you really want to know the depth of a man’s love for you; call his bluff all the time, look into his eyes and tell the inconvenient truth, ignore him sometimes, starve him sex, tell him he has a small penis (yes, I said it!). Very soon, in a moment of sober reflection, he would see his errors and feel your cause. Even if you don’t end up marrying him, he would never forget that there are women who cannot take trash to massage a man’s ego.

This is better than kowtowing to his whims and caprices like he’s some infallible being from the throne of God.

Be the Woman, not the Maid!

#truthisnotsacred

#laughs

**

Olakunle ran mad on the response and responded with…

“We have an Nkechi Bianze protégé here named Genev Ez.

This is laughable. This is what Modern Feminism has done to young women. Everything is a sex war! Shame on you young woman.

I did a simple post to challenge young men to be the men their women secretly need, and all you saw was an attack which deserved a comeback. You have by this comment demonstrated the caustic and poisonous nature of feminism. Rather than applauding the value in the post as a woman who MIGHT have sons tomorrow and wish them to be REAL MEN, all you perceived was a denigration of women (which the post never even did).

 

  1. My post never even remotely suggested that women were to be treated like MAIDS. It apparently recognized their ‘power’ to turn men to fools. The ‘maid’ idea is a characterization which only exists in your bellicose feminist head.

 

  1. I said women hate WEAKLINGS (which is actually true, like many ladies have admitted). You said men love SUBMISSIVE women as if submissiveness is a bad thing. In case your feminist self is having a hard time understanding it in context, it simply means ‘yielding to the other party’, it means ‘strength under control’, it means ‘putting oneself under authority’ etc. Pray tell, how can any of these be bad? We all do these everyday. We submit to laws and secular authorities so that there can be civil and political peace in the land. Without submission in the home, what you’d have is a war zone. There would be a clash of egos and authorities. Yet, this is what Feminists hate? Really?

 

My main sadness here is that a half man here is already eulogizing the nonsense you typed. I’m sure he is the mannequin of a man who will sign authority in his home to his wife. I pity him in advance.

 

Trust me, young lady, if you continue this way, your days here are numbered. You are the reason I loath feminism.”

**

 

But bros….wetin she talk whey you come dey allude competition?

 

Genev Ez fired back with:

 

“Olakunle Allison

Shame on you old man!

I made a submission to challenge women to be the woman their men secretly need and all you saw was a clapback!

You have by your post demonstrated the caustic nature of andro-centrism. Rather than applauding the value of gender parity in my comment as a man who might have daughters tomorrow and wish them to be strong women, all you perceived was a denigration of men which my comment never did.

My comment never suggested that men should be treated as Mannequins. It apparently recognized the power of equal treatment to one another. The Mannequin idea is a characterization which exists in your belligerent androcentric daft head.

I said men like submissive women…which actually is true like most men have admitted. You said women hate weaklings as if been a submissive man is a bad thing. In case your androcentric self is having a hard time understanding it in context, it simply means yielding to the other party…it means strength under both’s control…it means putting themselves under their authorities etc. Pray tell, how can any of these be bad? Men submit to laws and secular authorities so there can be civility and political stability in the land. Without the man submitting as well in the home, what you’d’ve is a war zone. There would be a clash of egos and authorities. Yet, this is what most men hate to do? Really?

 

My main sadness here is that some women are eulogizing this arrantly nonsensical post you typed. I’m sure she’s the maid of a woman who will sign subjection in her home to her husband. I pity her in advance.

 

Trust me old man, if you continue this way, your days are numbered. You’re the reason I detest androcentrism.”

**
Kunle and his friends have been crying their lungs out in the comment section and Kunle had to go cry on his wall with another sub. That one was not sweet so it didn’t make Gidi Tattles. Hehehe.

 

Victor Ibeh entered one chance…

 

Victor Daniel made a humorous post about taking a girl out and the girl ending up devoring his 5k on Coldstone Icecream. The post was shared on Amanda Chisom and JIB’s respective walls and arguments started in the comments section. Joy advised men to go for their class instead of complaining about things out of their reach. According to her, ‘I am not down to earth, I am up in the sky…How do you even move ion a car without AC…” Victor Ibeh commented and went ahead to make his post. Victor was also insulted on Amanda’s wall.

Victor Ibeh however carried the matter on his head like Jumoke’s bread and made this post:

“I honestly don’t understand men who come to social media to cry about a lunch date, because they spent money.

What were you expecting?

You ask a lady for a date, you spend money and then you come here to solicit for sympathy. Did anybody force you to go on that date?

It is for such men we keep encouraging women to have a source of income and to always keep vex money. You could do better than trying to shame a woman because you bought her shawarma.

What is 5000? You spend it on a first date and you are already complaining. I mean, it is something she ate. Are you trying to say that she doesn’t deserve whatever you bought with that money?

Do you people even understand what value is? When you really love a woman, you won’t feel bad, about spending on her.

If she is already your woman and she is always asking for a lunch date, instead of encouraging you to save, that is an issue that requires urgent attention. Even at that, you have the choice of walking away or sticking with her. Don’t come to social media to cry about five thauzand.

People are doing much more than that without publicity. Women take men on lunch dates. Women have taken me out on lunch dates and asked me to eat anything I wanted. They did it because they believed I deserved it. I have also taken women out on lunch dates where I reciprocated.

See, let me tell you. You only complain when you feel that the lady does not deserve the money spent. In that case, you are looking down on her.

If you think you can’t meet up with the financial demands of a woman, there are steps to take, and none of them involves social media mourning.

Another bit of advice. Woo and date people in your class.

Stop going after people bigger than you.

Find those in your financial class and date them. You will not die.

As I am, I know my level. I love respecting myself. I don’t ever go near people above my level. I love my peace of mind. Date people who would appreciate your Iya Basira’s restaurant. Not every lady enjoys eating in a local restaurant.

Don’t force a lady to live by your own reality.

Life is easy when we understand that water finds its level.

Cut your coat according to your cloth.

If for any reason, you decide to violate this principle, please mourn in private and don’t bring your lack of discretion to the public space.

Copyright, Victor Ibeh 2017″

**

When he could endure the finishing no more, Victor Daniel wailed in a loud voice:

“I have suffered on this Facebook. You know that post I made about Coldstone Ice-cream? Amanda Chisom posted it on her page and well, I got some responses I didn’t expect. I was shocked that most people there didn’t see the post for what it was: Comic. But that wasn’t too sad. After all, no be everybody for market get sense. Some girl on the post whose make up was so heavy it damped her sense of humor went ahead to upload a picture of some money to prove a point that I was broke and bla bla.

That’s not even what is hurting my nipples. What is whining me up right now is how much the post has been blown out of contest. Heck, Victor Ibeh, forehead as thick as a trailer’s tyre actually made a sub post, talking about “men who take girls out and make a fuse about it.”

See, every month I go out with friends, and I spend more than 5k for every time I go out. I have never actually made a post seriously moping about how a girl scammed me. I have written countless jokes about dates, some of which you can find on my blog some others appeared in other works I’ve written. That people, in their cosmetic ignorance decide to blow that post out of contest is actually mad amazing.

Haaa! Me that will take you out and order the entire restaurant for you, and I won’t even ask for handshake, it’s me that all of you are riding on laidis? Making posts and calling me broke because I said Coldstone is expensive? Are you sure your head is not menstruating? Did you put your head in flight mode before you read my post or you just wanted to sound cool turning the joke into some pro-feminist banter?

Me that when I’m in a good mood I can buy the whole Coldstone Company for a girl and still friend zone her. Talking shit about knowing my class before taking a girl out. Talking shit about how 5k is small change. No wonder you wear khaki trousers that look like they have been passed down from six generations. Talking shit with your over starched T shirt and sense of humor as low as the height of your last toe.

**

Image result for shocked gif

Rogun Nun come chook mouth on the whole clash of the Victors:

 

“Y’all keep saying Victor Ibeh misunderstood Victor Daniel, but I say that is some serious bullshit. That guy is not that dumb. He saw the glaring joke, but because he was hungry for some scandal induced fame, like Elijah, he said (this time to the Devil tho) “here am I, use me”.

 

Okay, let us look at it this way. “I went out with a friend, I asked her to take one of Mama Nkechi’s donoughts, but she said she wanted Thrillers donought. I thought it was the same thing or maybe it would be a bit costlier, but when they said it was one 500 naira, I nearly passed out from shock”.

 

Does this post in anyway ridicule any gender? Does it promote patriarchy?

 

But oga had to look for trouble and you say “Mature?” Please shut up before you get slapped. If it were Selah now, you’ll all come for his head. But our Daddy in the Club cannot goof nah. Even if he did and refuses to accept it, let us all move on before he gets angry and stops telling us all those amazing things we need to know. Clap for yourselves. You have passed the test, you can now be crowned Queens of Oponu Nation.

 

Do not even tell me I am taking this too far, because believe me, you’ve not seen “too far”.

Arrogance mixed with Ignorance has a way of upsetting your spirit.

Women are not even some dumb weak people that need saving all the time, so much that we want Aunty Victor to save us from a harmless joke, or help us explain it in the spiritual realm. ?? whedon Sir.

 

It is not every day we blame plain idiocy on the lack of a sense of humor. Some days you just look a nigga in the eye and call him a Goat.

The rest that rushed to start subbing because their head boy subbed, no word. No word.

 

And before you go through the stress of telling me I like stressing issues, I already know biko. Ehen.

 

Forgive my manners. Good morning People.☺☺”

**

Image result for shocked gif

Aunty Victor ke? Chai….My chest. ?

 

Jerry Chi kuku come burst my kidney on top of the chest whey I still dey clutch with “See wetin excessive woman wrappering don cause”.

 

Chioma Amaryllis Ahaghotu fired an immortal missile, not at Victor Daniel but issues bothering dating and etiquettes:

 

“If you can’t afford her taste, then tell her before the first date. It is not after you will come here to cry. No be we send you!”

 

Hymar concluded the whole clash of the Victors issue with:

 

Dear guys,

Not everytime trying too hard to sound good to the girls. Not everytime turn something into woman hailing and man bashing opoortunity. How many times must your ancestors roll in their graces? I understand it helps your inbox,oza romm and bank account ministries but sometimes, be like Hymar and say fuckit all and Cast them into the lake of fire and brimstone. Then drink your garri, shrug at the mepty inbox and work that handjob with pride.

**

Image result for shocked gif

Who get this hot sub na? Bhet why?

 

Nkechi threw a canopy…

 

“I read a post on Enwongo C. Cleopas’s wall two days ago, and the post was about body shaming and how many people resort to calling others ugly just to shut them up, to make them feel inferior, stifle them, or to psyche them so as to have their ways. That post resonated because right here on Facebook, so many have attempted to body-shame me.

 

I was planning to write on body-shaming, but I think she nailed it. (Refer to her wall for the post posted last night. She made it public.)

 

The hypocrisy in this is that when my curiosity led me to check the likes and reactions, I realized that one light skinned “agaracha” who approached a topic I raised last week by resorting to body-shaming me actually liked it. And two others who had put up posts in the past specifically to call me ugly loved the post.

Are you kidding me? Humans don’t cease to amaze me.

 

First of all, beauty is a social construct with many definitions, and these definitions change with time and location.

There is no global standard for what amounts to physical beauty.

 

I’m trying to restrain myself from becoming guilty of what I accuse you of. But I know for sure that to many, light skin = beauty. You seem to also live in that hallucination.

 

Secondly, I’ve got the confidence and self-esteem to go round multitudes of females and still have some left. I’m not one to be shut up. Ask around, many have tried but failed.

The words of online strangers do not change the fact that when I look in the mirror, I love what I see.

 

It’s POOR IQ that makes a person resort to saying things like “she’s ugly”, “she’s not even fine sef”,.. etc. as a response to an issue. People with good functional brains do not resort to such insanity.

 

Anyway, as you can see, it didn’t work. People don’t define me for me, I define myself for me. News flash! I have grown past that stage where the bile of an ignorant stranger disturbs me enough to draw a second look from me.

 

My brain works like fire (I know that sounds cocky, but then, everyone knows me to be proud, and I really can’t be bothered). I’ve got both the look and the brain. But if I’m asked to choose one and let go of one, I will keep my brain.

 

This is 2017, the most intelligent NOT the most beautiful is most likely to rule the world.

Life is not a physical beauty pageant, and even though it were one, you certainly wouldn’t come close to winning.

 

I’m looking for a good studio in my area where I can take some photos exposing a large part of my body, so I can splash it on your faces. That’s the ONLY reason I haven’t blocked you lots. If I block you, how can I oppress you?

 

But then, the boyfriend likes modesty, so I will try to get some clothes on my body before the photo shoot, just for him.”

**

Hmm…

 

Hymar threw a the entirety of Zuckerville on subbing matter…

 

Please use bucket to come and fetch your sub:

 

NIGERIAN FACEBOOK FIGHT SCENE ANALYSIS.

 

In any fight scene on Azukaberg, you will find these classes of human beings.

 

  1. The Amebo Masquerading as Mess Detector: Those ones are usually the first to arrive.  Infact,  sub go never even load finish, but dem go don  take style book space with comment “hmmmm” on the post like they are trying to smell who mess.  But the truth is those ones just came to collect notifications when things heat up.

 

Punishment : Instant Unfriending.

 

  1. The Victim : Usually some Facebook celeb of class C.  The type that haff not yet reach an average 500 likes per post.  Na those ones go first find trouble(read, throw the first sub)  and mostly they will pick on another Facebook celeb.  Usually someone in the A or B grade(those ones dey chop 500-1000  likes average)  who will most likely have the kind of rep and mouth that will make Satan tempt people to want to use them to do shine shine bobo.

 

Punishment : The Trailer Jam/counter Sub/Shade wey give dem plate wash go reach dem.

 

  1. The Ringtones: Those ones are usually the ones who hardly comment on your posts.  But once they smell fight they come to sing your oriki and dash you useless chieftancy titles.  Very nonsense set of people.

 

Punishment : None.  They are important o.   Sub that has just 3 likes and 2 comments is that one sub?

 

  1. The Sub Hunters : They are always present in every every to ask the necessary “who get this sub? ” “is this a sub? ” question.  They jump from comment to comment,  trying to decode.

 

Punishment: Drag them to the nearest Cele church for flogging.

 

  1. The History and Anthropology Experts: Those ones,  their amebo is always on gear 6. They want to know how the fight start,  where the fight start,  why the fight start.  They wantu dig to the root cause of the matter and solve it totally.  Oshey Sherlock Hommies.

 

Punishment: Whįch punishment again?  The work dem give demsef go do

 

  1. The Oil and Gas Workers: Those ones ehn,  they are the ones that will tag the sub owner to the post.  In fact,  even if no be clear sub,  na dem go carry sub enter with “Yepaaaa,  see sub o” or “wait till they come for you. “

 

Always jumping from post to post inflaming things.

 

Punishment: Punish dem and they will be feeling happy. Con turn am to something to take trend.  Drama whores.

 

  1. The Men and Women of God: Those ones will come to preach the goodnews of the gospel of peace. “Please calm down.  It is okay.  “

They don’t care who is right or wrong.  They just want peace to be still.

 

Punishment : Ignore them and sub harder jare.

 

  1. Mature People’s Association: Their function in life is to remind you that only mature people will inherit the kingdom of God.  They will tell you that you should have just ignored and be the bigger man. We shuu be like Obama.

So because I wan go heaven we shuu let people use us do shoeshiner abi?  Barack Obama,  your role modem,  e no sub ati shade Trump?

 

Punishment: If dem no kiaful,  sub dem join.

 

  1. The Sub Judges: Those ones,  their grandfathers died and made them Chief Judge of the Subtraction.  They are the ones who wee say,  ‘This sub hot pass dawan abeg.  100-0’ or ” So,  dem use pestle,  cutlass and koboko scatter you and na ordinary slap you fit give back?  Slap no even dirty sef.  Shuo”

 

Punishment: Leave those ones jare.  They are doing a good work except those fanboys masquerading as judges.

 

  1. The Mourner Who Weeps Louder Than The Bereaved: This one will be doing like na him write the sub.  They will be doing like na dem fight.  Oshey,  loyal fan,  caaam dan for Jesu Kristi.

 

Punishment : Bear with dem joor.  Overdo na bastard.

 

  1. The Person Getting Swollen Face For Blow Dem No Give Am: Usually a fanboy/fanbitch of the owner of the sub.  They wee come to fight you on your post.  They will even try to buy fight.

 

Punishment: Throw one hot yab then block them.  Nonsense and who send you.

 

  1. The Unemployed : (usually female) Tag Me. Tag me.  Please Tag me.  Tag me.  Tag me.  If you no tag me ehn.  Tag my soul ?

*Tags John* *Tags Mary*  *Tags Julie* *Tags Ali* *Tags her ancestors*

 

Punishment : Add them to 200 nonsense Facebook groups.

 

  1. The Shameless Hypocrite:

Two classes:

  1. Person wey fight and curse another person yesterday dey come preach the love of Christ for your sub today.  Life!
  2.  Person wey go talk one thing for your wall con go your enemy wall change mouth.

 

Punishment : i. If you get time,  go find their fight,  screenmunch and post under their comment.

If you no get time,  just remind them and tell them to shut the hell up.

 

  1.  Block them.

 

  1. The Compound Fool: Sends request,  follows you for more hopes of more fights. Mumu.  You don see who go dey give you daily BBN episodes for Facebook abi.

 

Punishment : Delete request.

 

  1. The Gs: Usually a friend of both parties.  They will say what they think.  They don’t do mouth substitition.  They will stick with it for 90 minutes.

 

  1. The Shadow of Death: They are absent in the comments.  They will form minding my business and facing my front.  They will make posts like “DON’T EVER TAG ME IN A SUB.  WHAT’S MY BUSINESS. ” But na lie from the pit of hell.  Those ones,  na dem amebo radar frequency high pass.  They will be following and following from wall to wall.  Their shadows will be all over the place.  They will be IN THE KNOW.  And their inbox ministry game tight die.  FB fucking I people.

 

Punishment: I hope they see this and e gnaw at dem kidney.

**

Image result for shocked gif

Una don pack am finish? Good.

That’s it for today. Did I miss anything? Let me know in the comments.

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2 comments
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