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Sex should be a wholesome source of mutual intimacy and satisfaction between partners
I don’t believe that all men are cheats. I have never been one for collective categorization of any specific group of people. Although I’m embarrassed by men who believe they can’t help cheating on their partner, just as much as I’m disappointed in women who either involuntarily or deliberately support the idea of men lacking sexual discipline or control.
First off, no gender has a monopoly on promiscuity, and neither is being attracted to multiple partners at a single time while in a committed relationship an exclusive preserve of men. Women do it too because there’s no gene in men that suggest they can’t be sexually committed to one partner, neither is there an equivalent of such gene in women that prohibits them from also being sexually vain. So, basically, this idea that men are wired to be polygamous, as no basis in biology or nature. Men aren’t wired to be irresponsible or insensitive, and just because the society compels or excuse them to be so, doesn’t mean that’s their inherent nature.
Secondly, I think women make a big mistake when they make statements like all men are cheats, because what this does is that it gives a lot of men a justification to cheat and validates the fallacy that no man can be faithful to his partner. Calling all men cheats indirectly implies you don’t expect any man to be faithful, and that idea, would not only dent the resolve of your man if he’s trying to be faithful, but would also portray you as an hypocrite when you break up with him for cheating on you. Because if you believe all men are cheat, then you shouldn’t be so surprised when your man cheats on you as you have subconsciously created a wrong impression that you expected him to.
I have always been of the view that we overate sex in many forms; and one of the areas we overemphasize the importance of sex is in relationships, as it often leads to lovers having a sense of sexual entitlement that might either be unreasonable or unrealistic. This is why many see cheating as an act of betrayal, because they see it as an act that ought to be exclusive between them and their lover within the confines of a mutually agreed relationship or limited to their marriage. I think the most important thing in a relationship is how the partners feel about each other, and how these feelings make them treat each other; thus, one singular act that they do together (or with others) for a few minutes should ideally not make or mar the integrity of how they feel and treat each other. But this isn’t the case, because we have made sex more important than love.
I once told a female friend that I can forgive a cheating partner, because if we don’t have an agreement in place that we are only allowed to have sex each other, then I have no reason to feel betrayed or hurt, because emotional commitment shouldn’t automatically mean that person is signing up to being sexually committed too. This female friend of mine was shocked with my opinion, and I understand why she was, because the Nigerian (and perhaps African) society is one that encourages a man to part with his cheating partner, but admonishes women to forgive cheating men.
While a part of me might be inclined to agree to some extent with the idea that sex should be a wholesome source of mutual intimacy and satisfaction between partners, I also think creating a sexist narrative that suggests no man believes this or is keeping to this, is not only an insult to me as a sexually inactive male, but also a disregard for men who are defiantly faithful to their partners. Ultimately, not all men are cheats, because not all men are crazy about sex. To believe otherwise, is to be ignorant of reality.
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