For Nigerian girls over 25, the hustle to “settle down” is real. Pressure comes all angles. If it’s not your mother calling the name of her perceived enemies seven times during a make-my-enemy-die-by-fire-session, it’s your friend telling you he wants to eat jollof rice.
Dude, visit a buka.
One day, I decided to humor everyone and try my luck in church. I composed these lyrics to show you how it went:
You see guy for church,
You like am,
You scope am,
The guy dey ok…starched shirt, pressed trousers, clean polished shoes.
You give am eye
Make him check you out
Him look you, see say you dey ok
Say you sef dey on point.
Say you sabi pray but e be like say you sabi sontin
You smile give am
But as him open mouth
Wetin you hear na…
“Dear blethren, my name is Kingsali
I am from ANAMBALA
I sell shop in Ragos Hirand”
You take style close your teeth, hiss and move on to the next one…
Ever been in this situation? Like you met a really fine dude and his command of English turned out to be error 404? Spill! I want to hear it!